I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
worst night to have a conscience
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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