He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
