So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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