I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
