I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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