i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
