I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
