I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
