she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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