I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
