it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
