In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
