i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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