not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
