I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
