yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
