Don't you send me to vm
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
