if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
