I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
