he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
