Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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