Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
