just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
