the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
