i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
there is glitter all over my balls
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
