he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
