can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
