I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
