There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
