rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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