I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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