Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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