her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
