So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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