I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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