no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
