And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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