sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
