I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
