I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
