I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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