Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
