I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
