My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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