normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
