he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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