and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
