Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
