just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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