i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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