Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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