Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
