this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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