Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
